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Baby It’s Bigamy (Polygamy)

by | Dec 11, 2016 | Mormonism

“Baby, it’s cold outside” is a christmas song which has been criticised for depicting a manipulative, coercive exchange between a man and a woman where the man continue to apply pressure on a woman to submit to his advances in the face of her refusal and lack of consent. Here is a popular modern performance:
[embedyt] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hnH_RGyzbSU&width=600&height=367&iv_load_policy=3¢ervid=1&rel=0[/embedyt]
Recently a popular revision of this song has had the lyrics changed to reflect a more ethical interaction which respects notions of informed consent in interpersonal relations. See it here (It’s adorable):
[embedyt] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=amK4U4pCTB8&width=600&height=367&iv_load_policy=3¢ervid=1&rel=0[/embedyt]
If you are a student of Mormon History, it is hard not to notice that the same sorts of manipulation and undue pressure deserving of criticism in the lyrics of the original song are uncomfortably similar to the types of pressure that Joseph Smith employed in his proposals of plural marriage to women in his community. To demonstrate what I mean, I have re-written and performed the song by incorporating the themes and persuasive elements that Joseph Smith employed in those proposals.
See it here:
[embedyt] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0s7O1PdYbd8&width=1080&height=637¢ervid=1[/embedyt]
Here are the revised lyrics:

Lyrics

I really can’t stay (But baby, I’m Joseph Smith) I’ve got to go away (The Prophet, I’m Joseph Smith)

This evening has been (been hoping that you’d agree) Quite interesting (To be my bride, polygamously)

My mother will be filled with strife (She’s already also my wife) My father will be pacing the floor (He’s on a mission and won’t bother us more)

So really I’d rather to wait (Your family’s salvation’s at stake) I really think this crosses a line (Hell awaits them if you decline)

The neighbors might think (I’ll ruin you if you talk) But how will I live? (Disgrace on you if you talk)

It doesn’t seem right (but baby, I Speak for God) To break this rule (what He commands, is good and cool)

I want to say, no, no, no way (An Angel told me to say…) At least you gotta let me go free (…He’d kill me if you didn’t agree)

I really can’t say (oh baby don’t hold out) But baby, it’s bigamy (polygamy)

Spoken: You’re very pushy you know (I like to think of it as grooming and predatory)

I simply must go (You know I’m the Prophet right?) But Emma would know (But not if it’s out of sight)

Your first wife has been… (But Emma can’t hold me back) …so nice and kind (She doesn’t know my history)

You know this makes you suspicious (Younger girls are delicious) Why is there a lock on the door (I’m asking in the Name of the Lord)

The pressure that you’re putting is vicious (You don’t want me to swim with the fishes) It looks like you’re just trying to score (The Angel had a flaming sword)

I just can’t agree (The Blessings of Abraham…) Say, just let me be (…and Jacob are mine now, ma’am.)

You’re really a perv! (I speak only God’s true word) This isn’t love – (Would you say “no” to God above?)

I’d go to hell with virtue intact (say No – it will be hell, in fact) Rather than to heaven your bride (Tell and I will say that you lied)

I really do hate you (Damnation awaits you) Baby, it’s big.. (polyg…) Baby, it’s bigamy (polygamy)