I occasionally receive Facebook messages or emails asking me to respond to various questions about my own faith transition. Many of those responses have turned into posts on this blog. This was one letter and reply which didn’t make it to be a blogpost but may be worth reading for some. I never received a reply.
The Letter
Hi [TOTAS],
I think about your family often and apologize for my interest in you guys and my lack of communication. Sometimes I want to ask something and then feel a little odd because we don’t really have a standing relationship of any kind. That said, I don’t post many things on FB but did see that you had shared my post of J. R. Hollands talk and had a completely different experience than I had in listening to it. I did read your reasoning and see your point.. [See Appendix 1 in this post for the post referred to] For me, I try to see the message as it is intended. I never get the impression that I am being manipulated during conference. I’m not sure what the intent would be if “they” were trying to deceive or trick me. Into doing what?
Today while at the beach I was wondering if you have do not believe in organized religion at all or is it just the teachings of the LDS church that bother, trouble, annoy you?
Response
Hey [Friend],
Great to hear from you – it’s fun to see the occasional updates from your family. Feel free to ask anything anytime – we didn’t get to know you guys a lot in person, but that doesn’t matter. I have seen your empathy and strength in supporting [mutual friend] and your thoughtful comments in our prior discussions and I am glad to still be among your friends – even if it is just an online connection.
I had started writing my reasons that I saw Holland’s talk as troublesome as a comment on your post, but I figured once I was done that it would probably seen as contentious or too negative, so I just put it on my own wall (I didn’t want you to think I was attacking you personally) Since stepping out of the mindset of believing that those men in Utah have some special divine appointment to convey God’s will to me, I see that they use many of the exact same manipulations that other clearly controlling groups (such as Scientology and Jehovah’s Witnesses) use. Your question about “if “they” were trying to deceive or trick me. Into doing what?” is very pertinent. The main thing that people in the JW and scientology try to “trick” their members into doing is simply to stay and continue to participate – giving time, money and devotion to the group. They do this through a number of techniques.
I have created a glossary of these techniques which you can see here: Glossary of Undue Influence
As far as whether I believe in organized religion, I will try to summarize my thoughts about it briefly.
One of the things that being raised Mormon does for you is that it tells you what all other churches are like. We are told that they all contend with each other over points of doctrine, there is infighting and confusion and that they are primarily focused on money/priestcraft. This isn’t usually explicitly said anymore – it has been a while since the general authorities referred to the wider Christian world or the Catholic church as the great and abominable church or the “whore of all the earth” but those terms are in the scriptures and used to be staple descriptors.
Once you distance yourself from Mormonism and explore other churches to form your own opinion, then you can see for yourself what is true about them. For me, there are a few things I have learned. Just as I saw manipulative control in Mormonism, it exists in various degrees in other churches as well. That being acknowledges, there are churches that are much more ethical in allowing members to maintain their autonomy and individuality.
Authority
One key difference is the concept of authority. In Mormonism the hierarchy of church leaders are given power over your eternal soul. You have to have the blessing of the Bishop and Stake President to be worthy of the blessings of the temple which are essential for exaltation. These leader literally stand at the gates of heaven and get to determine who goes in and who doesn’t.
That concept of a bishop is very different from the concept of a pastor who does not claim the power or authority to say who goes in or not and is really there to give support to each member of the congregation in their own personal relationship with God. This difference is key because it allows the members to grow beyond the limited worldview of tradition within the faith. This is why many other churches were quicker to come to terms with racial equality than others – there was no entrenched gerontocracy whose claim to authority and rigid thinking kept people in the Dark shadows of racism. We are seeing this in other issues today.
Equality
Other churches also include women in the highest levels of institutional leadership – this serves to ensure that a perspective which respects issues unique to women are included in the programs and policies that are created.
Polity
Another key difference in various churches is the concept of Polity, or the structure of how a church organization is authorized to operate. Some polity structures are like Mormonism – top down. Authority comes from a central authority figure and is spread down through intermediate regional levels and then local bishops. Any advancement in teachings or programs have to come from the top. Most controlling groups have this structure. Scientologists, Catholics and Mormons and Jehovah’s witnesses share this type of structure, generally.
Other Polity structures are more bottom up – congregations themselves interview and elect pastors who they believe are qualified to administer the congregation and while there may be an association with other like-minded congregations under an umbrella name such as Presbyterian. This gives local communities the ability to have the religious framework reflect their values without requiring some far removed authority to approve.
These Congregationalist groups are the ones who were flexible enough to accept racial equality more rapidly as society started to acknowledge universal brotherhood. They reflect society, rather than always chasing behind it as top-down groups have done.
Mormons may wonder why anyone would trust just local low level community people to direct a church – that has to do with a certain amount of religious humility. Since they don’t assert that any one individual has a special divine appointment from God to speak His will, then local people are no less qualified than anyone else.
Training
Other aspects which affect churches – pastors actually get training not only in deep theology, but also comparative religion – this process involves deconstructing their own faith and so many are able to understand and deal with doubt among the congregation because they have had to come to terms with it themselves. They get training in basic counseling and mental health issues they learn how to manage people and financial responsibility and ethics. We expect people who we trust in other aspects of our lives to have training and be accountable – pastors and minister should be no different.
Accountability
Financial accountability – I have had several people of other faiths astounded that Mormons would give so much to the church financially without there being any accountability about where the money goes and why. Other churches produce regular financial reports and low level members sit on committees that are formed to make decisions are high cost projects, regular reports are given to the congregation about ongoing costly decisions. If a major mismanagement happens, that pastor may be removed by the congregation and replaced with someone else. These checks and controls are in place because they don’t think anyone has such divine authority to be absolved of accountability to the membership.
Anyway – all these things are part of a wider view of what churches can be.
Summary
I am not a fan of organized religion to the extent that someone would claim to be able to tell me the will of God and expect me to override my own conscience in deference to their opinion.
This frees me to find a beauty and truth that is meaningful to me from any source I want. I can freely attend any church, knowing that I keep my own counsel about how I should treat my fellow men and women.
We have started participating in a theater ministry of a local Lutheran Church – not because we subscribe to Lutheranism (they have a Congregationalist polity and are actually fairly progressive) but because they have an awesome program that is well supported and they have some great musical professionals that make the program a real benefit. Those professionals get paid, it is their job. They count on providing value because it is their livelihood – it makes for a superb program. It is called a ministry, but they don’t tell us what to believe, they conduct the program with a level of care that reflects their own convictions about how people should treat each other. They pray before each performance, but it is a prayer that respects the wide variety of youth involved – including gay, atheist, Catholic and Baptists.
I see religion not as an authority structure, but as a way for people to come together and share a rich tradition and build and support community. Mormonism could become this, but they would have to let go of the control they have, acknowledge that the book of Mormon is not historical, allow diversity of thought, real gender equality, make tithing voluntary, become financially transparent and accountable, give more local control and autonomy, stop distorting history, etc. These things don’t happen without pressure. The church is going to feel pressure as the youth in the information age learn about the issues and walk away. A lot of young families are doing the same. People who place a premium on truth and become aware of the problems and are vocal get kicked out either directly or indirectly. This is purging the church of the very people whose voices are needed to bring change.
Anyway. I continue to write and study it because I want to know how it affected me, I want the church to grow and improve so that the lives of my brothers and mother and nieces and nephews are not adversely affected. I want the faith and culture of my youth and family to be honorable and healthy
Because I am still Mormon. It is my tribe. I am just in exile.
-TOTAS
Appendix – Behold thy Mother
